I'm going to jail i love you
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
