i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
