My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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