You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
