If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
