I skipped work to stalk him.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
