Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
