she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
