so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
