Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
