It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
