Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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