so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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