my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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