i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
