Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
