He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
