So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
