My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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