Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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