i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
