I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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