you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
