Your mouth is God's brothel.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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