your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
