The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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