I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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