babies were throwing up all over the place
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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