Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
