At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
