first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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