this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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