Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
high people should be assigned attendants
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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