ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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