State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
