I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How does one acquire holy water?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
