The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
COCAINE IS GR8
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
