we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
