Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
