The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
