so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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