you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
