Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
