I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
