Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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