I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
