i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
