Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
