so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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