Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
