would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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